Personal Hell
by Winterstorm Maiden
Summary: The Exile remembers the past while trying to forget the horrible present. Rated M to be safe.


My first story. Co-written with Moony3003. Thank you.

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 **Personal Hell**

The walls were grey and bare. The one bedroom apartment was filled with only the bare essentials, looking as though no one lived there at all. The living room held a table with two chairs and a desk with no chair and a smooth, empty surface. The kitchen had everything expected but the fridge was near depleted.

The bedroom was where I was. It contained a wide bed, swathed in nothing but white sheets, and a tall wardrobe opposite which had clothes that mostly belonged to him. The bedsheets masked the black shorts and white tank top I was wearing. I blinked in the darkness, my eyes having adjusted hours ago.

The hour was early and the weather outside cold. The waiting was the hardest part. I could never be sure when it was going to start but when he was here, I knew it would be over quickly and free as soon as he feel asleep for the rest of the evening, giving me a few hours of silence and peace.

The door hisses closed and beeps echo through the room, reminding me once again that there was no escape. He was in control and that's how it's been since the war ended. My name flourished and stretched to the ends of the galaxy before the end came, with a huge bang, and it was forgotten once more.

I still remember the day I woke up. I wished I hadn't as I'd meet him the same day, dressed in nothing but my underwear. The meeting had been light, almost flirtatious. We had helped each other that day and afterwards, he followed my lead, every step and hanged on my every word but those days were long over.

The past had returned and haunted him as it did then. I felt like a fool once I'd learned what kind of man he was really. Nar Shaddaa seemed like the perfect place for it all to come out and it made me feel bitter. That planet had been nothing but bad lack, full of criminals and pirates that were waiting for a chance to shoot me in the back.

The ask for forgiveness came without any prompt, without any question. He pleaded with me to forgive him, to give him a second chance and become the person, the man he was meant to be. I fell for it. I trained him in the ways of the force, remembering the way Master Kavar had done for me many years ago.

I felt him grow and change as he became more attuned to the Force. The war ended on Malachor V with devastating consequences. I made a choice and thousands of people died just as they had in the war before it. The thought didn't occur to me at the time but perhaps seeing the horrific actions changed something within him again and I missed it.

They managed to escape what became the ruins of Malachor V but the team broke apart and went their separate ways. I planned on leaving for the Unknown Regions to search for Revan but I never got that far. I visited Dantooine and the enclave which still lay mostly as rubble on the surface.

I hadn't been alone. To this day, I still don't know how he found me or how he knew I would be there. Perhaps he guessed or someone had given him information for a price. I didn't forgive him before and as he took me in his arms, I still couldn't forgive him. I was quickly disarmed and held back by a collar that rendered my Force power useless.

"Hello, my precious."

It was a gentle whisper, silent and it pulls me out of my thoughts of the past. I shiver but it's not from the cold or the thin blankets covering me but from his voice, knowing that tonight there was going to be a repeat. It was the same thing every night when he returned from the pazaak club after too many rounds and too many drinks to count.

With his return, the power and control were once again his and I lie still as I wait. The power had been his since they came here, years ago. I was kept in the dark about everything, even the news of what was happening outside the bedroom was unknown to me. The Exile no longer existed. I had become no one.

"Have you missed me?"

I don't reply. I can't. He knows I'm awake. I always am. Even if I wasn't, there would be no escaping his touch or the pressure of his lips against my skin. As the bed dipped lightly, I felt my heart jump within my chest but somehow, I managed to lay still. I hear his thick, heavy boots hit the floor and it makes me jump.

A small chuckle passes his lips but he doesn't say anything more. As his arms go around me, I freeze, holding my breath. His lips soon kiss my shoulder gently and slowly, his hand runs down my body, the fingertips skimming down my arms, my waist, down to my hips, the goose bumps instantly rising.

"Roll over," he whispers gently.

Knowing that refusing an order from him did no good, I comply and roll over. He moves swiftly between my legs. I turn my head away from him on the pillow. It was something he used to hate but now he lets it slide. I suppose making someone do everything you want got tiring after a while.

Both my shorts and tank top were swiftly removed and as he enters my body forcefully, I wince lightly, trying not to make a sound. He's rough but just like the other times, I say nothing. It would only make things worse. As the pain worsens, I grip the sheets tightly. I couldn't exactly say it was non-consensual. It wasn't exactly wanted and certainly not like this but I never fought back as much as I should. Part of me sometimes wondered if maybe, in some fucked up way, I deserved this.

It hadn't even been five minutes before he stilled and a grunt of pleasure was heard. A few seconds past and the pain lessened considerably. He collapsed on the bed beside me and took a few deeps breath before forcing me into his arms. I shrink slightly as the arms surround and enclose me in. His scent was something I used to love but now it reminded me of what life was like now.

As I feel him nod off to sleep, I untangle myself from his arms and tiptoe to the refresher. I close the door all the way quietly, hoping he stays asleep. As the water in the shower stall heats up, I strip my clothes off and once it's hot, I step under the shower head.

I sigh shakily as a single tear rolls down my cheek. Hastily, I wipe it away and take a deep breath. As I run the soap over my body, I pray that this ends soon. I'm not sure how much more I can take. I let the almost scalding hot water ran over my body, hoping it washes away everything dirty along with it.


End file.
